Top 10 Things To Do With Your Petaflop Supercomputer

Now that IBM has a petaflop supercomputer, the question becomes what to do with it:

10. Develop a coherent exit strategy from Iraq

9. Crank call Gary Kasparov at 3 in the morning and ask in that creepy computer-voice: "Would you like to play a game ... bitch?"

8. Write a script that saves the Geico Cavemen sitcom from being canceled after 3 shows

7. Port Rails to VBScript

6. Explain the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

5. Open the pod bay doors (Or not -- let the computer figure it out.)

4. Hook up with slutty, esteem-challenged teraflop computers by telling them you think they're still hot

3. Explain Paris Hilton's popularity

2. Calculate shorelines post-Greenland icecap meltdown. Give seminars on how to buy to-be-oceanfront real-estate, particularly distressed and defaulted properties, for no money down!

And the #1 use for a petaflop-capable supercomputer...

1. Barter it for an iPhone